Diet Tips For Girls
You might think I'm a little crazy
but I just hate the way that weight gets in the way
so yesterday
I took some straws
and a knife
and a pen
and I drew around the fat, like I've seen done in films.
There was more than I'd thought,
my denial - Christ it drives me insane;
I was covered in ink, yeah,
like some fat slag who tattoos out her gluttony -
I've seen girls like that, you know,
who reckon they can hide behind pictures,
like fine lines will make them look intricate - craving perfection:
it's fucking obscene.
I was keen not to let the distraction distract me
so though I was backtracked with logic I picked up the knife
and I cut through the skin,
and the straws - which were hooked up like some crazy snake,
I forced through the incision
and sucked out the fat like a milkshake.
The taste was repulsive but I cut and sucked and I swallowed
again and again
till the lines were like wrinkles; deflated balloons only covered in blood
and the pain wasn't too bad.
So now I was skinny
except for this fat in my belly
which looked kind of stupid and made me feel sick,
which was lucky I guess, 'cause the next bit was aimed to expel the excess
so it just made it easy:
I heaved and I puked in the bathroom till I was a skeleton,
shaky with joy,
then I pinned back the holes in the skin,
which I had planned to sew
but at that moment couldn't be bothered
and though I was dizzy,
and possibly dying,
I couldn't care less -
I was happy! I stood there delirious, wiped back the tears
and can honestly say,
for the first time in too many years,
I knew
I was finally perfect.